Trust Is Built Not Earned

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We all keep saying that you need to earn my trust. I think that trust is built one block at a time. It may take one look to know you can trust this person, for now, but deep, true trust is built over time.

You have to use natural trust at first to give you time to build the deep, true kind.

I was trying to write about belittling not as a bullying situation, but as in making  the person offering support  littler in my life than they should have been. It was pointed out to me that I was having more of a trust issue than a belittling issue. That I was doubting myself rather than them.

That struck me where I live, because I harp a lot on my husband trusting me. He does. I know it, but somehow, after being the cook in the family for over 40 years and he tells me how to brown hamburger, step by step, I think he doesn’t trust me to do this job. About ten years ago when he retired, he took over the cooking. This was done by mutual agreement. Not a bad thing, right? Except, the kitchen went with the cooking. And I might add, cooking and the kitchen were  ways I identified myself. Now, when someone asks who baked the terrific cake, I have to say he did. I can’t preen like a peacock when they say the cake is outstanding. Not for myself, of course. And I do preen like a peacock when they gasp and say, ‘ He made it?’.

What all of this says about me, is that I don’t trust HIM to do as good a job as I did. And, dang, it, he does. Better in some instances.And that hurts.

When we first started dating, I trusted him to pick the place, pay for the date and get me home safely. And he did.

All of those little trusts led to the big one: Marry me. I did.

The problem with trust is that when you have that trust in someone doing something well that you want to do well, it causes you to think it isn’t possible to match them in the same arena. And your self-esteem and ego go in the toilet.

You need to trust yourself.

Now, isn’t that a kick in the head? You need to trust yourself to push yourself to do better and better. You can’t do that if you don’t trust yourself to one level before moving to another level.

I am not sure where the not trusting myself comes from. I only know it is there and I need to discover my self-trust in order to move forward with my life and loves. To move forward in my writing and my friendships.

Oh, yeah, and loving that man of mine.

I hope this helps in your own journey toward trusting.

I make a mean peanut butter ball, let me tell you. And it’s all mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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7 Things You Should Know About Marriage Longevity

 

 

This picture may not quite fit the title, but it does fit the content. When you have found someone with whom to share time, they are your cup o’ tea.

This past week we celebrated our 53rd wedding anniversary. When you get past the 50 year mark, people want to know how you did it.

I have been thinking on that and have come up with seven things you need to know about marriage longevity.

  1. As the joke goes, ” Don’t die!”. That’s pretty crucial.
  2. Forgive. Constantly. Yourself included. I find it is harder to forgive me than anyone else. That may be because I know what I had INTENDED to do and didn’t. I have no idea about your intentions.
  3. Have fun. Take the time to do ridiculous stuff. Ride a giraffe, if you can. Play mini golf, just to do it. Not to win.
  4. Play games together. Try not to be overly competitive. It’s hard, but you live with this person. Don’t LET them win, but be nice when they do.
  5. Do at least one thing a year that the other person wants to do and you don’t. It builds character and, golly, you may find a new interest.
  6. Talk. Seriously, talk about everything. You don’t have to share every single secret you have, but talk. Have a real conversation where you exchange ideas and feelings.
  7. Love, love, love your partner. And with that love give 100 per cent of your attention, participation and love. I know that’s repetitive, but necessary. I leave you with this: Use this list to make your own for how you have had a long-time relationship.