Trust Is Built Not Earned

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We all keep saying that you need to earn my trust. I think that trust is built one block at a time. It may take one look to know you can trust this person, for now, but deep, true trust is built over time.

You have to use natural trust at first to give you time to build the deep, true kind.

I was trying to write about belittling not as a bullying situation, but as in making  the person offering support  littler in my life than they should have been. It was pointed out to me that I was having more of a trust issue than a belittling issue. That I was doubting myself rather than them.

That struck me where I live, because I harp a lot on my husband trusting me. He does. I know it, but somehow, after being the cook in the family for over 40 years and he tells me how to brown hamburger, step by step, I think he doesn’t trust me to do this job. About ten years ago when he retired, he took over the cooking. This was done by mutual agreement. Not a bad thing, right? Except, the kitchen went with the cooking. And I might add, cooking and the kitchen were  ways I identified myself. Now, when someone asks who baked the terrific cake, I have to say he did. I can’t preen like a peacock when they say the cake is outstanding. Not for myself, of course. And I do preen like a peacock when they gasp and say, ‘ He made it?’.

What all of this says about me, is that I don’t trust HIM to do as good a job as I did. And, dang, it, he does. Better in some instances.And that hurts.

When we first started dating, I trusted him to pick the place, pay for the date and get me home safely. And he did.

All of those little trusts led to the big one: Marry me. I did.

The problem with trust is that when you have that trust in someone doing something well that you want to do well, it causes you to think it isn’t possible to match them in the same arena. And your self-esteem and ego go in the toilet.

You need to trust yourself.

Now, isn’t that a kick in the head? You need to trust yourself to push yourself to do better and better. You can’t do that if you don’t trust yourself to one level before moving to another level.

I am not sure where the not trusting myself comes from. I only know it is there and I need to discover my self-trust in order to move forward with my life and loves. To move forward in my writing and my friendships.

Oh, yeah, and loving that man of mine.

I hope this helps in your own journey toward trusting.

I make a mean peanut butter ball, let me tell you. And it’s all mine.












3 thoughts on “Trust Is Built Not Earned

  1. So, I trust you and all, but I think I’m gonna have to test that peanut butter ball myself to test for veracity. Just sayin’. 😉

    I love this exploration, m’dear. You’re doing a lot of what I call bruise-pushing. I love that you preen like a peacock when he’s being praised, even when you’re struggling with losing parts of an identity you previously claimed for yourself. Keep pushing those bruises. I think you’re doing some really good work.


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